Wow. Seven weeks since I last posted an entry...

Well, I don't feel like talking about anything that's happened...the only importantish things are:

I dumped Nick

Dad and I fought

And...yeah...

I'm so damn tired right now...

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: exhausted

So. What's been going on...more bad things than good.

Cory, Angel's boyfriend called me, wanted to hang out together sometime...but without Angel. Which concerned me. I didn't tell her though...He wanted to smoke weed with me. I never got back to him on that.

Later, I bought $25 worth of weed, smoked some at Gage's house, then went home. My dad confronted me, with a message that Cory left on the house phone...basically saying that we totally need to smoke some weed soon, and he sounded baked.

So dad asked me if I was tokin' with him...and, since I was a bit high, I said "Not with Cory..."

So I handed over the weed, and it was flushed down the toilet.

- - -

I have a job at Taco Bell now.

- - -

Angel doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

- - -

Nick doesn't want to see me, but he still wants to be my byfriend, whatever the fuck that means.

- - -

I don't talk to mom anymore about anything...I can't trust her, since she tells dad everything I tell her. Also, she has no release of information from my doctors.

- - -

And that's all.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Eric Serra - Time Crash

I'm so sick of it here. I just want to leave this place. I'm 17 years old, I should be able to do what I want to do, go where I want to go. I'm not stupid, I'm not a delinquent, so why can't I have a little freedom?

I mean sure, they let me see a friend maybe once or twice a week, Nick maybe once or twice every other week. It's driving me insane, I'm not allowed to enjoy life!

I have to be in this fucking house ALONE all fucking day long. No one to talk to because they took my phone away, and nowhere to go because they think I'm going to sneak around and be 'bad.'

They wonder why I got into drugs and alcohol...because I'm so damn bored, and I want to escape for a bit emotionally, since they won't let me go physically.

Lately, I haven't been able to escape either way.

I want to be free. I want them to let me go.

Current Location: Hell
Current Mood: Lonely and Pissy

BAH. When the HELL did I write last?

Not much has been going on, 'cept my parents know I've been FUCKING.

And they want me to get some shot thingy.

I don't want a shot thingy! Shots suck, and it makes it hard to have a baby when you're ready.

I'll just stop fucking. Don't get much out of it anyway.

So YEAH.

I get to work tomorrow YAY...AND SHIT I FORGOT TO CALL PEOPLE. Other...work...people...to check up on resumes.

Oh well.

Freaking Kara won't let me go anywhere today. She think's I should stay home for a day. Um. Why? There's nothing to do here, and it's SUMMER. I should be able to go have FUN.

Nothing could keep her away from her home.

The crumbling walls served as no barrier to her, the people fleeing from the city were unable to hold her back, and even those who were currently taking over couldn't stop her.

The sun was just beginning to sink into the ocean, casting bright orange and purple streaks across the sky, soft clouds in the distance appearing as though they were aflame. The air had the faint smell of burning wood, though by now you couldn't see much smoke, except for in the distance, along the woods.

She had to get to the other side of the Haven. The side that the intruders had already taken over. A wall had been built years ago, sepparating the North and South sides of the city, and one had to pay to get to either side. Now the wall was crumbling, the earth shaking, and all she could hear were the distant sounds of those fleeing to the far South, outside of the city walls.

She was approaching the wall quickly. The stone streets were empty, though lanterns were still lit. She flew low over the shacks that lined the streets, took a sharp left towards the cliff, and alighted atop a large boulder, looking over the ocean. There were two men, also refusing to leave the city. They made no movement as she eyed them, made no sound.

The sun had set.

Without hesitation she jumped from the boulder, plummeting down to the crashing waves below, though she caught herself, spreading her great, black, bat-like wings and catching the wind. She flew low along the cliff, running her hands through the water. Her current target was the area ahead, where the land jutted out into the ocean, and rose to a point.

She reached this place within minutes. Hovering for a moment, she listened for any unusual noises coming from the city upon the cliff above her. She rose, pushing down with her powerful wings, and steadily rising up. She circled, hovered once more once she was able to see the North end.

This was the more wealthy end of the city, though you wouldn't have guessed it, based on the state it was in. Smoke rose from some of the buildings, others were no more than piles of ashes and blackened wood on the ground.

She landed softly on the ground, there was no wall to fly over here, the government didn't want to rob the rich of their ocean view. She stepped forward, cautiosly, her bright green eyes swivling and taking in her surroundings.

Nothing too out of the ordinary.

She walked along the well-paved streets, her wings slightly outstreatched just in case she needed to leave quickly. She turned right around a corner, then halted, a gasp escaping her. A large creature of some kind loomed over her, with glowing, perfectly round, yellow eyes. It's body seemed to be made of stone, with intricate carvings along it. It stood on two feet, both legs ending in great stone hooves, thick brown fur could be seen growing on it's calves, sprouting out between stone encasings. It's torso was that of a mans, though stone plated this part as well, and it's long arms were thick, with masive claws curling at the ends. Great horns curled around it's massive head, and a long, brown and black mane covered part of it's hideous bear-like face.

It's maw parted, and a earth shaking roar was emitted once it's golden orbs focused upon her. She froze, gazing at the beast, then came to her senses once one of it's huge hooves crashed towards her, the road crumbling beneathe with the force.

She stumbled, beginning to move backwards, then ran for the nearest shelter. There wasn't enough time to take flight, the beast would most likely swipe her from the darkening sky. She ran into a building that hadn't been completely burned down by the invading forces. She had time to catch her breath.

"What the HELL is that thing doing here? It must be theirs..." This beast was clearly no local to these parts. She had no idea why it was here, or what it was, but she was sure it was brought in by the Republic - the invaders.

The beast lurked for ahwile, clawing at the walls, then ambled away.

Now was her chance.

She bolted from the building, down the street, and took a left around a building that was still on fire. She could see the hills ahead, knew her target was close...but she was stopped.

"Elazuel! What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!"

The voice was vaguely familiar.

She looked over her shoulder, glaring at the figure illuminated by a dim oil street light.

It was him.

His hair had grown down slightly past his jawline and deepened in color, it was a mixture of black and maroon now. He looked pale, his eyes sunken, though he was garbed in exquisite robes - those of the Republic.

"Fucking traitor!" She yelled over her back, then began to run towards her target. She heard footsteps close behind her, felt a strong hand wrap around her wrist. She extended her wings completely, flapping wildly to release herself - but to no avail. She felt a sharp hot pain stab into her right side and was unable to breathe. She clenched her wings to her back to protect herself and collapsed to the ground, landing on her left side. She managed to catch her breath, tried to rise, but was forced onto the ground once more.

"Get...off me..." She struggled to say.

His left arm wrapped around her neck, held her to the ground, right hand painfully twisting her left arm behind her back. Anytime she struggled he held her tighter, twisted her arm more.

She was beginning to see double, that pain she had felt before was obviously some sort of poison. Trying not to move her head, she looked down at her side. She was bleeding, a small bloody daggar was laying on the ground not too far away.

She inhaled deeply, struggling to do so, rested her head on the arm choking her, giving up.

Everything went black.

Hung out with Nick today. That was awesome, since I hadn't seen him in over a week.

We saw Pirates III. Didn't watch much of the movie though. Instead, we did what most horny teenagers do: threw popcorn at each other, oh, and poured salt on each other too!

After that I met his mom, and we went to the Wallace Marine park by the Willamette. We walked around aimlessly through the woods, and eventually lost each other. I found him by the river a little later.

We went back to his mom's place, and chilled for a bit.

Looks like I'll be going with him and his mom to the coast this weekend. AWESOME. :D

And yeah.

Oh yeah, and Nick got all pissy. But he's cool now, I kissed him an hugged him and made everything all better.

OH!

And we went out for ice cream.

Current Mood: happy

Obviously, I didn't follow through with it. I tried though.

Took the drugs. They didn't do much, except...I don't remember much of the flight to Boise.

Ran away...but came back because I knew I would just fuck up the rest of my life. A runaway told me that themself.

I was sitting in a lawn in Downtown Boise, smoking a cig. This guy, 26, short blond hair, blue green eyes, and an unshaven face saw me, and approached me. He smiled, and asked "Are you old enough to be smoking?"

"Sure."

He laughed and replied "I'm going to come over and harass you for a bit."

We talked for awhile, walked around. I told him I wanted to run away, he said I shouldn't, he did, and it fucked up his whole life.

I know there was a reason for that encounter, and that it wasn't an accident.

So, here I am, at Dad's. Trying to earn his trust. Kara has pretty much disowned me, from what I've gathered.

And that's that.

Current Mood: lonely

So, Kara, dad and I got in a huge fight. And it all started because I was sleeping. Dad came in and yelled "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" And this was shortly after Kara bitched me out about Nick or something. I wasn't in the best of moods.

I yelled something along the lines of 'what the fuck is your problem..' don't really remember because I had just been so rudely awakened.

So dad started bitching at me about packing, and Kara came in, took my cell, and started bitching at me some more.

Then they both bitched about me kissing. Oooh, big deal, I kiss my boyfriend.

So, they're pissed that I kissed in front of Abbi.

She sees worse on the fucking Disney Channel, you ass.

They said I shouldn't do it, because I'm not married.

I don't need a license to kiss.

And these days, you really don't even need one to fuck.

Anyway, Kara called me a whore, slut, yadda yadda, flung her hands in my face, so I automatically flinched and struck out...and poked her in the eye.

I POKED HER. IN THE EYE.

And she fucking flipped.

Dad had to hold her back and she kept flailing and yelling "LET ME GO! SHE POKED ME IN THE FUCKING EYE!"

More yelling and screaming...

I tried to get around Dad, and he grabbed my arms, trying to hold me back.

Big mistake.

I pushed him out of my room and into the wall of the hallway, yelling at him to keep his fucking hands off me. Kara was trying to back him up the whole time, but she failed, and ran downstairs to call the cops.

Dad yelled at her not to.

Blah blah blah...

I asked dad what his problem was, he said it was me, so great. I'm just a problem to him.

He also said he didn't want me coming back from Boise.

Fine.

If I'm nothing but a fucking problem, a whore, and Kara herself pretty much said she doesn't care if I kill myself...well...

(She was talking about smoking, said she didn't care if I did it, didn't care if I killed myself...so...yeah.)

Also, dad said my last suicide attempts were lame.

Well. Let's make 'em better, shall we?

I have 30mg of Hydrocodone, and 3,000mg of APAP. In other words, I have a lot of Vicodin. Hydrocodone is an Opiate, like Heroin, and APAP is in Tylenol, which is very easy to OD on, because it fucks up your liver so bad. That ammount of Vicodin is equal to about 10mg of Methadone, which is a stronger Opiate, just below Morphine and Heroin. In fact, it's used as a substitute for Heroin.

So, I could take all of that...and...

Slit my wrists in Boise, because no one there knows about my attempts. No sharp things are hidden.

And after that...

Run away and find a fucking bridge.

I'm sorry it's come to this, I didn't want it to, didn't think it would. I love you guys so damn much, but I can't stand this any longer.

Current Mood: blah

Schools out. I did awesome on all of my tests.

Nick is over right now.

Later. ;)

It's Finals week. So far, all the tests have been really easy. These are the tests I have taken so far:

Chemistry
Video Productions
Geometry
Drawing & Painting II - Not really a test...
English
Health

Tomorrow, I have History. I've studied. Not to worried about it.

I don't remember if I mentioned this at all, but I broke up with Eric. I can't be going out with a boyfriend who isn't too far from being a girlfriend. He was way to emotional, and said I love you way too fast. I freaked me out a bit. Yeah, he was nice...but...not my type. At least I gave him a chance though.

But now I'm going out with Nick. Good God. He has the most awesome body. And he's nice and funny. I can be myself around him, because we were friends before we even started to date.

Yeah, our first date was awesome. We went to the mall, shopped together at Pac Sun, and I picked out a shirt for him, and he picked one out for me. After that, we went out for sushi. I was suprised that he had the guts to try sushi. That was so damn funny. I'm not too sure if he liked it our hated it, because sometimes he would say it sucked, or that it wasn't too bad. After sushi, we went to the movie theater. We had previosly purchased tickets for Pirates of the Caribean 3 (though we were actually going to see Knocked Up) and it was there we discovered we lost the tickets. I bought the next couple of tickets, this time for 'Surf's Up' because it was closer timewise to Knocked Up. Just out of curiosity, we went to the restaurant we had eaten at to see if the tickets were there. Sure enough, they were, so we went back to the theater to get a refund. Looked for the tickets. Nick lost them again. He teased me that he had given them to me, and I kept losing them. Yeah, sure. So we backtracked to the restaurant, didn't find them, and when we had given up and started going back, I found them on the sidewalk, and I held them. They weren't lost that time.

So yeah, that was fun. The best parts of the movie were the parts where we weren't watching.